The different types of story reviews

I’m sure I mentioned this somewhere, sometime, but in case I didn’t or you don’t remember, I’m a writer and reader of wattpad and fictionpress. And one thing I always wonderered about as a newbie on there was “how do i get reviews/feedback?” I post stories because I need the feedback and constructive crits. The people on FP and WP? They are my crit group. My beta readers. I dont have editors where I am, cuz none of the people around me outside the internet is into writing.

But, I didn’t want just any ol’ type of reviews. I want ones that matter. So for those who wonder the same thing, check what Dice says.

post by Sage Dice Darwin

Now, about getting reviews and networking and such, the best thing you can do is give yourself a funny name. Like ‘Close Your Mouth You Spork’ for example. But if you can’t bring yourself to do that, the machine gun review strategy still works. Fire off as many well-rounded reviews as you possibly can, ask them to review you back. Enough decent people will get around to it. Just watch out for a few different types of writers.

First one to look out for is Selfish Writer. This kind of writer here is only out for themselves. Selfish Writers wants you to give them bags and bags of reviews. But, they don’t really care about you or your story. The only way they’ll review you back is if it’s in their best interest. If you stop reviewing their story, after a long while they’ll start to notice and miss you. Then they’ll try to get you back into their fold by reaching out to you and tossing you a useless review or two. Almost always less reviews than what you gave them. And at the end of this bone, they’ll subtly try to convince you to continue reviewing their story. If you do, they’ll take you for granted again and stop reviewing your stuff, untill you stop again. A pathetic cycle, right?

Next is Golden ** Writers (not reviewers). This kind of writer thinks their urine is worth more than your writing. They’ll post their “masterpieces” here and just expect you and everyone else to review because there storie iz soo awwsume!!k1!!. As if you owe it to them as a payment for being allowed to experience their timeless works of (crap) art. If you think a writer is a GPW, stay far away. Because they’ll never review you back. Their returning your review would mean admitting that exchanging reviews with you is fair trade, which implies that their legendary tales do not soar majestically above pedestrian works here. And that really, their stuff is on the same limbo-low level as the works of one of the common fictionpress peons (you). Trust me, they’ll never do it. Huge Ego waffles taste good and go down easy. However, Huge Ego personalities taste like trash and are impossible to swallow. Avoid the GPWs.

Then there’s Don’t-Like-Reading Writer/Reviewers. Since you have to read to learn to write, they tend to suck. And not know it. When you review them and ask for a return review, they’ll do things like giving you their standard review. You know, the one with no mention of anything specific about your story. Why do they give those? Simple. Because they didn’t read your story past the seventh syllable. That’s why. These rats have the attention span of a block of fuzzy green cheese. Only use these if you’re looking to pad your stats, to catch the eye of the higher quality reviewers. Understand, though, that they’re not evil. Just not the ideal reader. Manage your expectations, use them for what they’re worth, and you’ll be fine.

Then there’s the Holeass Writer/Reviewers. They are just losers with nothing better to do than to hurt the feelings of other writers, but being overly critical to the point of being a Holeass. They’ll do something like go on a long rant about how you misplaced a period and how the period — and the entire English language — have been disrespected by you and your “horrible” writing.

The quicker you can spot one of those kinds of writers and dodge them when firing off your reviews, the less headache you’ll have. And if you come across them, you’ll know what to expect. See their ** coming. And it’ll turn into your favorite comedy.

And once you can spot the people who can’t/won’t help you, that’ll make it easier for you to target the people who are worth reaching out to and connecting with.

If you want to read any of Sage Dice Darwin’s work (which I suggest you do- he’s a funny guy and has an amazing writing voice) you can go here. Thanks!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sonia
    May 28, 2011 @ 14:38:09

    a lot of online writer crit groups work on the do me and I will do you. IMO, the smaller ones are best because not everyone has something written every week, so you are not overwhelmed with stuff to crit.

    oh I nominated you for the versatile blogger award: http://storytreasury.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/i-am-a-versatile-blogger

    Reply

  2. dusty
    May 28, 2011 @ 19:15:41

    I don’t usually put my work out for reviews. Hey, does anyone have a good definition of psychological thriller?

    Reply

  3. dusty
    May 28, 2011 @ 19:31:24

    A good friend will send you a file in email.

    A great friend will send you a file in prison.

    Reply

  4. Monica "Choppy" Nguyen
    May 29, 2011 @ 16:51:18

    @sonia THANK YOU SO MUCH for the nomination! Seeing that made me really happy! I’m not exactly sure what it is though…but still, it made me really happy. Thanks. 🙂

    And yes, I agree about the smaller crit groups being nicer. I joined a crit group but it got really big…really fast. A bit overwhelming. But it helped me figure out what kinds of reviews/comments I’m looking for in my stage of writing and I sort of turn to only a few of the people in the crit group.

    @dusty I seriously dont understand the last comment…lol but okay. 🙂 And yeah, I know that a lot of people don’t put their stories up for reviews/comments. I totally understand why though. but, I find that the good of putting stories up for reviews outweigh the bad (to me anyways).

    Ummm, psychological thriller? A thriller story that psych you out by making you think hard. LOL probably not the best definition. sorry.

    Reply

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